Recipes for Living Ann O'Neill

During the fore part of my life, I lived in central Iowa. I was born, baptized, educated, taught school, and was married in the Waterloo/Dike/Cedar Falls area beginning May 4, 1959 when I was born in Waterloo. My family lived in Dike, and I was the first of three children born to Stan and Marlys Van Rauen. My brother Dave is 1 1/2 years younger than I. My sister Ellen is four years younger. I was baptized in a little country church, St. Mary's Catholic that was so primitive it had an outhouse. We shared a priest with St. Patrick's Church in Cedar Falls.

We lived in Dike my entire childhood. For 39-years, until he retired, Dad taught Dike High School social studies, American government, history, psychology, and sociology. Mom began a teaching career at Dike Elementary School on a two-year certificate, during which time she met Dad. When I was in first grade, she went back to college to earn a teaching degree, but wasn't able to find a job when she graduated, so she worked at Northwestern Bell Telephone Company in Waterloo.

When I was small, I played by myself a lot. Brother Dave was a competitor and always won the games we played. That was no fun, so I didn't want to play with him anymore. I was big into dolls and playing house, and by the time I was in sixth grade, I had three goals that reflected that activity. I wanted to be a teacher, mother, and wife. At that time I didn't know in what order those roles would happen, but they basically guided me from then on.

Being the daughter of a teacher was interesting in several respects. For one thing my parents chaperoned all of our high school dances. Some of my friends went out drinking and such, but I knew I couldn't do that. It was important to me to please my parents. In my opinion, that was how I showed respect. I don't think that is necessarily the way kids regard it now. For another, my friends accused me of cleaning the house before Dad's tests so I could find all the answers. The fact was I studied hard to get good grades.

I participated in some of the usual girl activities in high school, but not so usual was that I was the first female manager of the boys' track and football teams, which meant that I always got to ride the boys' buses and the cheerleaders didn't. I played clarinet and bassoon in the band and was in high school plays and vocal music. One of my worst memories was when I was a senior and the vocal music director talked me into singing in a vocal music contest. I received the lowest rating possible and declared I would never sing a solo again. That is ironic because by now I've led the congregation at my home church and currently am one of the song leaders here in the Osceola church. It is strange how life has twists and turns.

I graduated in 1977 and was really pleased and shocked on awards night to hear my name called as recipient of the Citizenship Award. A friend of mine had gotten it three years earlier and I thought it would be neat to have that honor. I interpreted it as an award for the ability to get along with people and being helpful.

From high school I went to UNI (University of Northern Iowa) in Cedar Falls. I enrolled in elementary education, following through with my earlier goal of becoming a teacher. However, for a variety of reasons, I didn't like college. I was only about 10 miles from home which was probably a disadvantage. Sometimes when you are too close to home, you don't break the ties. I had a boyfriend there, which made a difference. Also, I wasn't a party person. However, I knew that if I was to become a teacher, I had to get a degree, so I stayed. Actually, I enjoyed the practical classes and classrooms. It was mostly the social part I didn't like.

I met my first husband, Rich Clausman, during the summer while I was working at the swimming pool at Dike. I was excited that an "older man" was interested in me. At the time, I thought he was 25. He was actually 33 - 14 years older than me. I was 19 and hadn't done anything, whereas he had traveled and seemed exciting. We were married in 1979 when I was a second semester college junior. We lived on a farm and I commuted to school. We built an underground house, the kind where you have to mow the roof. The garage and bathroom were in the back. The kitchen, living area, and bedrooms in the front had big long windows. There were a couple sky-lights in the back area and one in the kitchen. The challenge was that the only effective heating source was a wood stove. The furnace ducts were vented underground, so the cold ground pulled the heat from the furnace. What I didn't like was correcting papers in a 55° house. The house was never finished until we were divorced and Rich had to sell it.

The marriage didn't go well. Perhaps it was doomed from the start. It didn't help that we lived next-door to my mother-in-law because I was always being compared. She raised wonderful gardens, so I should have a garden. The truth is, I hate gardening. Whereas I saw lots of advantages to microwave preparations and quick meals, she was a farm wife and a stay-at home mom. She lived at a time when women's reputation for outstanding cooking was something to be sought, and she was a wonderful cook. My cooking didn't compare and it wasn’t homemade enough to suit my husband.

Admittedly, I probably went into marriage looking for something I shouldn't have expected to find. As a child I recall feeling lonely. My parents focused on my brother who was sick with asthma and my sister who just demanded attention. I always felt different and out of place. I think I married Rich because I wanted someone to take care of me and when I matured, we just grew in two different directions. We didn't fight, we just didn’t communicate. I decided it would be better for the boys to have a happy mom instead of living in an unhappy marriage. We divorced after eight years.

During those years, I graduated from college and started teaching in small towns around Waterloo. Starting in 1981, I was at Immaculate Conception Elementary School in Raymond for six years and Gilbertville for three years. I taught combinations of first to fourth grades depending on the year. We combined grade levels based on the reading groups the kids were in, so at the same time I could have a lower level third grade group, an upper level first grade group, and a mid-level first grade group. This made it challenging because I had to teach three reading lessons, three spelling lessons, two language arts lessons, and two handwriting lessons. I also had to monitor the kids while I was teaching a group, so one group was with me doing the lesson, one group was at their seats doing their assignments, and one group was doing learning games or free reading. It can be said that this method of teaching met the needs of both upper and lower level kids because they were moved at their own pace, but as a teacher I had to be very well organized.

I also taught three math groups, usually second and third graders, first grade religion, my classes' art, music and PE (physical education), and had recess duty once or twice a week. When the third grade was moved to Gilbertville, I moved with them. I then became a third fourth grade teacher and did not have to teach art, music or PE. I really enjoyed teaching and thought that I was making a difference in each child.

Matthew Charles Clausman was born March 19, 1985. He was the first grandchild and great-grandchild on my side of the family. He was born on both his father's 40th birthday and my Grandpa Struck's birthday. He was the best birthday present either of them could have wished for. Matt was chubby until he learned to run. Before he was two, his dad taught Matt words like "centrifugal force," "doppler effect", "gravity" and "condensation." Rich would use clues like "What is the wetness on the window?" and Matt would repeat, "Condensation." "What makes your stuffed Humpty Dumpty fall down?" "Gravity." 14What makes Humpty fly out when he spins around?" centrifugal force." "What is the roar from a jet?" "Doppler Effect." Every one thought that I had taught him those things because I was a teacher, but in fact his dad taught them to him.

When I was 25, Mom and Dad divorced after 26 years of marriage. Dad still lives in Dike in the house where I grew up, and Mom lives in Urbandale. I became much closer to my parents after I was divorced. I still live by the concepts I learned from them: never be late; always be prepared; dress for the weather; follow the rules; don't walk in people's yards; and if you form an opinion, be ready to defend it in a debate. I spent my growing up years not forming opinions because I thought debates were fights. I am still uncomfortable defending what I believe in.

My parents or life also taught me these principles which I live by: Everything happens for a reason. If we don't learn our lessons in life, they will repeat until we learn what we are supposed to learn. You have to think positive. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. We are the examples for our children. They watch us all the time, so we must do what we say. Words can hurt, so think about what you say and how you say it.

The boys and I moved to Hiawatha, and I still commuted to Gilbertville to teach for one more year. At that time, I began to think there might be something besides teaching elementary school for me to do. I took a risk and did not sign my contract. Because teachers were paid during the summer, I "played" for those months, and by August decided I should look for a job. I had a friend who worked with the Economic Development Division of Kirkwood Community College in Cedar Rapids, and they were looking for someone to develop leadership training. He first approached me in June, and I said no. I had always taught from pre-made manuals, and I didn't think I could develop training materials. By August, I went back to him and Kirkwood hired me as a training consultant. I developed a 20-hour Leadership Training Course. I based it on the "people skills" I had applied as a teacher, working with the kids and their parents. I also thought that adults liked to discuss and do activities, so I included opportunities for that to happen.

The pattern was that another Kirkwood trainer would go into a business (mostly factories), and train the employees on Total Quality Management and project teams. Afterwards, I would be contracted to train the team leaders on the Leadership Skills class that I had developed. Before my first adult class, I asked my co-trainer if this was the time to walk out the back door. I was very scared that the participants would think the training was a waste of time. Why did I think that an elementary teacher could teach adults in business? But to my surprise, the participants were looking for anything to help them work together and do their jobs better. They really enjoyed the class and participated well. At that point I realized that I was still teaching, just to bigger kids.

One company I worked a lot with was CRST Trucking in Cedar Rapids. I facilitated my Leadership Skills class to the office people, and then they had me develop a Team Skill class. I was sent for two weeks to their office in Birmingham, Alabama and one week to Oklahoma City. It was a neat experience for me to find out that businesses in other parts of the country needed the type of information that I was presenting. I worked for Kirkwood for two years. The training I developed became the basis for future training sessions. I just kept adding additional activities and changing it a little here and a little there.

During this time as a single parent, I looked for activities to do with my boys and other single parents. I found the organization Parents without Partners. Through this organization, I developed great friends, activities to do with my boys, and a new husband. I became the Children’s Activity Leader for the Cedar Rapids PWP and was sent for training in Davenport. Jeff 0'Neill, who was a single parent to Justin and Chelsea, was sent to the same training (as President of a new Parents without Partners chapter in Grinnell). There was a connection when we met. I loved looking into his dark eyes. We went to the meetings together, went to the dances together, and went on a carriage ride. It was a lot of fun. After we went our separate ways, he would call me and we'd talk for hours. It was the first time that I ever had someone court me. He was even romantic when he proposed to me three months later. He bought a dozen roses, a teddy bear and a fortune cookie. The bear had a note that said, "Only your fortune will tell." He had pulled the fortune out of the cookie and inserted a "Will you marry me?" back into the cookie. What could I say to that?

Jeff switched jobs and we all moved to Osceola in 1992. When we married, Justin was twelve, Chelsea was nine, Matt was seven, and Josh was four. Marriage is a lot of work without children and when you start out with children, you are automatically parents and never have time to develop yourselves as a couple. We also had two different parenting styles, and the kids reacted differently to our styles.

During those early years, as a blended family, there were a lot of ups and downs. I didn't think that blending two families would be as hard as it was. The boys got along great. I think Justin really enjoyed being an older brother, and he played with Matt and Josh a lot. Chelsea had a difficult transition, and I really don't know if she has ever accepted her family as it was. She and I had a lot of conflict. Looking back, I think it is much harder for a girl to be without her natural mother than it is for a boy to be without his natural father.

From watching the four kids, I learned that the years up to school age are the most important in developing the child's personality. Justin and Chelsea had some tough years with their mom and dad fighting, custody fights, and then their mom not seeing or talking to them for months on end. Thankfully, I did not have that with my ex-husband, and my boys were younger when we divorced, so it did not affect them as much. Jeff is the only father that Josh has ever lived with. Matt and Josh see their biological dad only twice a year. When Justin and Chelsea could see their mom has been very sporadic.

While we have lived in Osceola, I commuted to Des Moines to work at Communication Data Services (CDS), Prairie Meadows Racetrack and Casino, and then got a job in Osceola at Lakeside Casino Resort. At CDS, I was a Corporate Trainer, so I developed and facilitated interpersonal skill and management training. I worked at CDS for two years and then thought that I would like to get a job in management. Prairie Meadows had advertised for a Training Manager position and I was hired a week after the casino opened. Those first months were very busy because I had to train all 1400 employees on the policies and procedures of the company. Another trainer was added, and we developed and facilitated New Employee Orientation,Supervisor/Management, Customer Service, and diversity training programs. We also facilitated management retreats.

Prairie Meadows was a good place to work, but a long commute from Osceola, so when Grace Entertainment decided to build Lakeside Casino Resort, it was a natural fit for me. To have a business that I was familiar with and a job that I enjoyed right in my "back yard" was unbelievable. I was hired as the Human Resources Trainer on October 25, 1999. I really enjoyed working at Lakeside. I again revamped the training that I had done at the other locations and facilitated a variety of classes at Lakeside. Another benefit of this job was that it allowed me the flexibility to attend Josh's junior high football and basketball games which I could not do for Chelsea when she was in junior high. I enjoyed working at Lakeside until March 1, 2003 when they decided that, in order to save money, my position could be eliminated.

It is now November, and I have been on unemployment and looking for a job since March 1 and I firmly believe that "things happen for a reason even though we may not understand that reason, and that “the right job" is out there. I just haven't found it yet. I do my best to keep a positive attitude, because I don't like feeling negative. I enjoyed getting ready for Matt's graduation and being home for the summer. It is harder to find things to do, now that Matt is in college and Josh in school. When you are unemployed, there is no extra money for home improvement projects. I am not a "crafty" person. I enjoy reading books, listening to or singing music, watching movies, dancing (although we never find anywhere that people our age can go to dance), and working with children. I have been volunteering at the Osceola Main Street Organization once a week and I started substitute teaching. The thing I miss most about being a trainer is that I talked to adults all the time and now that I am home by myself during the day, it is too quiet.

The kids are mostly grown as well. Justin is 22, and has just moved back to Iowa from his mother's. It is great to have him home. He is working on finding a direction for his life and thought that he would have a better chance with the support of this family.

Chelsea is 20 and married to Brandon Cobb. She and Brandon live in Osceola and attend SWICC (Southwest Iowa Community College), majoring in Business. We don't see her often, and my relationship with her is still strained. There is a variety of wrong paths young people can take, and I am very proud of the fact that she has been attending SWICC.

Matt is 18 and attending Iowa State University, majoring in Electrical Engineering. He is playing the tuba in the concert band as well. Matt is enjoying being away from home and is just starting to have some academic challenges.

Joshua is a freshman in high school. He is active in band, vocal music, speech, and tennis. He also works at Fareway. He would like to be challenged a little more at school, but enjoys the socializing that goes on. We have a variety of phone calls from girls to talk to Josh.

Jeff is working for Simmon's Management and manages a Burger King in Ankeny. It is not his favorite job, but it is a job. A year ago he was unemployed for six months. He has been looking for the "right" job ever since.

I conclude my story in late spring of 2004. I am now a receptionist at American State Bank in Osceola. I appreciate not having to commute. The work is interesting, the hours are great, and I have nice people to work with.